Coming out of the closet

I am really feeling like I need to clear my soul of and awful and terrible guilt I carry with me because of an addiction I have. Some people I know may have suspected by some of my actions that I had a problem. Some people have confronted me on this matter and tried to support me. However, I cannot give it up. My own husband has decided to go out of town and all I can think about is how I can feed this ravenous addiction inside of me. He knows I will slip while he is gone but suggest to be keep IT to a minimum. He too has not been able to help me.

I wake in the the morning and I crave this addiction. I lay in bed late and night and try to contemplate more important things in life but IT has taken over my body, my mind, and my soul. IT creeps up when I am doing nothing or while I am watching TV. I cannot stop it alone.

Why you ask am I addicted to something that causes me to scratch and bruise my arms? Why am I putting myself in physically dangerous positions while using muscles in my body that I did not even know I had. One step too far to the right or one shift in balance and I could end up in the middle of a catastrophe. I know this is not good for me but I still cannot say no. I still cannot let IT go.

I am so into my addiction right now that IT shows itself in my everyday life. I watch people on T.V. do it all day long. I have even done IT in places I never thought I would including almost every room in my house. As well as in my friends houses, multiple times. I have even done it in my in laws house, my sisters house, and my moms office. When I think of the amount of money, time and energy I have spent on this addiction can I still justify IT?

The latest name for my addiction is April Love. I did IT all over my Kitchen and I love IT!!!!